You know, Chevy Chase woke up one day and just wasn't funny anymore

Despite being rather late to the party I really enjoyed the Assassin's Creed series to date, demonstrated by how I played them all at the start of last year back to back. Sure the first one was as repetitive as peeling potatoes and more of a tech demo than a game, but the story was unique and surprising and the core gameplay of exploring a city from the streets and the rooftops and assassinating enemies of the creed was incredibly satisfying. So it was with great disappointment that I discovered the latest entry in the series wasn't up to snuff having finally caught up with everyone else.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations clearly suffers from the law of diminishing returns. Despite feeling like games that have taken several years to develop, Ubisoft have been shitting these out every year since 2008 like they have erratic diarrhea and it's finally starting to show on their pants.  

Sure the core experience is still there and I love it, but everything new feels as ill thought out as claiming to have fallen into a life boat. For those who hated playing Desmond you will be glad to hear you will be doing no more of that tomfoolery, but unfortunately it's been replaced with first person flash back sequences which have you completing deficient block puzzles that wouldn't entertain a three year old.

Even returning features feel completely soulless. In Brotherhood burning the Borgia towers made sense for the story, but in Revelations these locations exist without any context. In the same vein you can buy and restore every bank, shop and cake establishment in the city and I will because I have OCD, but there is absolutely no explanation as to why you are doing it and there is almost no real benefit for doing so. 

To introduce unnecessary complexity, assassin dens can come under attack and be re-taken. To defend them you must participate in another oddball addition, a tower defence mini-game which isn't terrible, but doesn't hit it out of the park either. Just about every side task to the main quest seems out of place in Revelations, like it was simply included because it had debuted in a previous title.

Perhaps the worst offence of Revelations is in the title, as it provides no real revelations. We get some nice inception action as Desmond views the end of Ezio's adventure, who views the end of Altair's tale, but none of this moves the overarching story forward. 

The fact Desmond is unconscious for the entire game should give you the hint that this is the game in there series to skip. Revelation's is still a fun game, but it is in no way the must play experience of its predecessors. Let's just hope Ubisoft realises that they need a change of trousers before it runs the series into the ground.

2011 in Gaming: Gave Up

We conclude this series of posts on games I played in 2011 (part one can be found here and part two over here respectively) with the ones I truly didn't enjoy. These are not only the games I didn't complete, but the ones I officially quit playing because of the reasons listed below.

2011 in Gaming: Gave Up:

Kirby's Epic Yarn (Wii) - I love Kirby and Epic Yarn is one of the darn cutest titles on the Wii. The  way you can manipulate the yarn world is just ingenious and the things Kirby can transform himself into are adorable and awesome, but this game sucks. It's depressingly easy, there is almost no way to loose and local co-op is down right boring. 

L.A. Noire (PS3) - L.A. Noire is critically acclaimed as a classic adventure game disguised as an open world GTA detective game, with amazing facial animation and voice acting. I was really into this game initially, but I soon realised how simple the "choices" were and got bored by how repetitive the game quickly became a few cases in. A brilliant idea, poorly executed. I ranted about this quite a bit on the latest episode of Downloadable Content.

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (PS3) - The Uncharted series is extremely popular, and I was hoping to jump into it after finally getting a PS3 similar to how I marathoned Assassin's Creed, however the excellent voice acting and incredible graphics weren't enough to convince me to finish this incredibly poor third person shooter. The enemies soak bullets, the controls are awful and the the fights unnecessarily long. I'm told the sequel is excellent so I'm going to give the series another go.

Kinect Sports / Kinect Adventures (360) - I don't own a Kinect, but I did play with one. Kinect is a gimmick, it doesn't work very well, and these mini games aren't very enjoyable.

Crysis 2 (360) - I'm told this is a high-quality shooter, but I just never got into it. Just one of those "not for me" titles I suspect. 

2011 in Gaming: Backlog / Uncompleted

Continuing from yesterdays post, here are the games that didn't make it. The journeys I didn't complete, both new and old. A lot of loooong games on this list. Hopefully I can knock more than a few of these out in the next year.

2011 in Gaming: Backlog / Uncompleted

Dragon Age: Origins (360) - A 2009 game on the backlog that I briefly tried to get into, Dragon Age is an old school dark fantasy RPG with branching dialogue trees and plot points  that change dramatically based on your choice of character and party members. I just need a lot more free time. 

Bastion (360) - Wonderfully whimsical, Bastion is a top down role-playing action game that leads you through a stunningly beautiful world. The soundtrack is one of the best this year and the narrator reacting to your every action provides an incredible amount of depth to this experience.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution (360) - One of those games I got distracted from near the end of the year and need to go back to, Deus Ex is an action packed first-person shooter set in a  cyberpunk world that is absolutely worth seeing.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations (PS3) - Possibly the weakest and most unnecessary edition in the Assassin's Creed 2 trilogy, Revalations is showing signs of deterioration in the series' annualisation. The series formula is still a blast, but it's time to move forward.

Tales of Symphonia (GC) - The game I famously lost £40 on because I bet I could beat it before my graduation. I had over a year to do the bet, but classically left it to the last eight days. In the 25+ hours that I played I found a brilliant classic RPG with an addictive combat system and a massive world to explore. The voice acting is up and down, but the story is worth experiencing and I intend to complete this challenge. Eventually...

Chrono Trigger (VC) - 2011 was the year of trying and failing to complete classic RPGs on my backlog. Chrono Trigger is worth including in this list because I made more progress than ever before, reaching the Forest Maze in 65,000,000 BC. It shouldn't need stating, but Chrono Trigger is an incredible JRPG, and one I might still one day complete.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (PS3) - The seemingly endless battle against dragons and giants is just so big I'm frightened to become committed. I admit to not playing this epic game as much as I should. It's technically flawed in many ways (including a deteriorating frame rate the larger my save file gets), but all should be forgiven because the title screen music is just so bad ass.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (VC) - Another Zelda game I am ashamed to admit to never playing to completion. This also receives acknowledgement on the list because I got further than ever before, reaching the Shadow Temple. Ocarina of Time has suffered greatly due to its age, but it's still an amazing game and worth playing to this day. Just appreciate its age okay?

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii) - The newest edition to the franchise, Skyward Sword continues to add surprises to the classic formula, is beautiful to look at despite being SD and contains the best use of the Wiimote period. This is the Wii's swan song.

2011 in Gaming: Completed

I meant to do this last year, but never did. Inspired by Reeve (and originally namatamiku), this is a roundup of all the games I played this year. It will be posted in three parts, providing my thoughts on the games I completed, didn't completed (but intend too) and gave up on. As this is my list I can be as arbitrary as I like, so for qualification I either played it for the first time this year, or completed (or made significant progress in) for the first time. For example, I played the original Zelda years ago, but only completed it in 2011.

This list required some effort, and I probably missed out stuff, so next year I plan to write it as I go. I doubt I will actually do that, but it's nice to be motivational and forward thinking.

For more end of year video game stuff, I was on the last 2011 episode of Downloadable Content talking about our best and worst games of the year. You can subscribe to the show in iTunes or download part 1 here and part 2 over this way.

2011 in Gaming: Completed

From Dust (360) - The spiritual successor of Populous reminds you why it's so much fun to play God, but does little to live up to past greatness. The wonderful way you manipulate the world and it's elements is ruined by a short and simple game with some terrible AI.

Guardian Heroes (360) - A remake of the Sega Saturn classic, Guardian Heroes is a frantic and crazy beat'em up  that works wonderfully in co-op over Xbox live. It's ultra short, but packs tones of replayability thanks to its branching story.

Batman: Arkham City (360) - While Arkham Asylum was a revolutionary game with an incredible combat system and fluid narrative, Arkham City is only evolutionary. The "open world" adds little to the experience and the story is nonsense, but the awesome core gameplay from the original is back and mildly improved. On the other hand; Batman.

Sonic Generations (360) - Incredibly short and full of padding, but still the best Sonic game (both 2D and 3D) that we've had in years. The physics and speed are just right, and the level design is excellent. Also, the 30 second time trial mode against friends is a blast.

Gears of War 3 (360) - Campaign-wise, an evolutionary sequel that should be given mad props for actually having the guts to provide a definitive conclusion. The package is also full to the brim with extra content, including a radically improved multiplayer and co-op experience.

Assassin's Creed / AC II / AC: Brotherhood (PS3) - Last Christmas I received a PS3 and played these three back to back to back. It was one hell of a video game binge. Each game radically improves over the last, continuing an epic (if totally nuts) narrative spanning generations. Scaling rooftops and assassinating never gets old and there are many addictive tasks that will feed the completionist. I strongly advise reading the Wikipedia article or watching some YouTube videos to get the gist of the first game however, as the gameplay becomes incredibly reparative and dull after a couple hours.

Portal 2 (PS3) - Without a doubt one of the best games of the year and a must play. From the  excellent character development, voice acting and laugh out loud humour, to the perfectly play tested puzzles, the beautiful world and the incredible closing moment, this game has little to no faults. The co-op is also incredible fun.

The Legend of Zelda (VC) - I completed this for the first time this year in anticipation of the new game, and it's still as wonderful as the day it came out. It may seem simplistic in comparison to where future 2D Zelda's would go, but the concept of being dropped into a world with no instruction and setting out on an adventure has never been better executed to this day.

Hey! Did you gain weight?

As a kid growing up you were either a Mario guy or a Sonic guy. Sure I loved both game franchises and played each religiously, but when it came to comparing the two Sonic was always my winner. Mario was fat, slow and very Italian. Sonic on the other hand was ultra fast, super cool and definitely not Italian. I had both a Master System and a Mega Drive, all the games, and would get up on Saturday mornings just to watch the cartoons.

Obviously I'm referring to the awesome cartoons...

…and not this.

Thus the general decline of awesome in the Sonic franchise after my childhood was rather upsetting. Every year folk get their hopes up that this would be the good one, only to discover it has a warehog in it, or Sonic kissing children. We fall for this every time. Most recently Sonic 4 promised a return to the series' 2D roots in episodic format, only to provide a single, short episode that had wonky physics and terrible level design.

Which is why the news that Sonic Generations was actually decent blew my mind. On the recommendation of a friend I picked up the game for 360 and was amazed by how good it is. The simple premise of the game is that "unknown dark evil" has gone through time and merged the worlds of classic 2D fat Sonic and svelte, obnoxious 3D Sonic. The nine levels in the game are each inspired by a different Sonic game and each one has two acts, one played in 2D reminiscent of the Mega Drive era and one in 3D like the Dreamcast era.

Remarkably they got both of these right in a single package. The physics for 2D Sonic are spot on, you always have a feeling of speed and it doesn't suffer from bad level design such as bottomless pits just off-screen that kill you because you were going so fast and didn't "know" to jump. The 3D levels are also shockingly good, thanks to the boost button and the homing attack that keep sonic moving. Sonic has always, and should always be about speed. The moment you stop and have to navigate difficult platforming, it all goes to shit, because Sonic is a terrible platformer. 

The story around the time zones of two Sonics being merged isn't half bad either, with the short cut scenes between levels including some comedic interactions between the two. Sega even make reference to the stupid change from Robotnik to Eggman, which makes me happy. 

Unfortunately its not a perfect package. The boss battles are lousy, and getting to them requires you to do three challenges (of which there are many more optional ones) in the levels you previously completed. None of these challenges are of particular high quality and feel entirely like padding. Similarly, you collect points that can be spent on upgrades for Sonic, which are supposed to add some depth to the game, but they never felt like they were needed. With nine actual levels, each with a 2D and a 3D act, the game felt incredibly short.

The real surprise for me was a mode Sega probably threw in at the last minute with very little thought. The game has a 30 second time trial mode where you try to get the furthest distant you can in each level, which is then recorded on a leader board. Myself and the friend who recommended the game have been viciously competing on this, going back on forth trying to get ever so slightly further in the level. As I said, Sonic is about speed, so constantly trying to better your time, particularly on the 2D levels, is an absolute blast.

So in summary; its very short, but what there is is the best Sonic we've had in years. Also, if someone tries to touch you in a place you don't like, thats no good. Especially if they're Italian. 

Those are brave men. Let's go kill them.

As someone who likes to spend the majority of his free time in front of a television consuming television and playing video games, I've had a surprisingly active couple weekends. Last week was the epic warehouse move of doom at work, in which we had to pack all the whisky in the known universe into vans and relocate them to a larger facility. This resulted in me and many other vigilant "volunteers" spending most of Friday and all of Saturday carrying a metric shit tone (an officially recognised weight) of whisky of vans and onto shelves.

It wasn't all bad though, there were some laughs to be had as the professionality of the operation fell the more tired we became. Below is one of my favourite images from when myself and Mike (pictured) had to move a packing table across the building. It would have required four people to carry it, so we came up with a more creative solution that I could move single handed.

Having recovered from that fake weekend, yesterday was West Hill Karate's twelve hour sponsored bag session to raise money for St. Michael's Hospice. It's not as bad as it sounds, I didn't actually have to hit a bag for twelve hours. Instead there was a single punching bag that had to be hit for the twelve hour period, with people taking fifteen minute shifts. I showed up for the last three and a half hours of the event, hit the bag for thirty minutes and held it for forty five minutes. It was a lot of fun, although I did make quite a mess of my hands. Its not like my career depends on them or anything fortunately.

Of course all this frolicking in the wilderness hasn't stopped me doing some loafing. The folk at work got me into watching Breaking Bad recently. I'm two episodes into season two and absolutely blown away by how incredible it is. So far every episode has been greater than the last and from what I've been told it just gets better and better. It's shocking how methodical, drawn out and realistic the show is and I'm pretty surprised someone hasn't tried to cancel it yet. I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't heard of it.

The last TV series I really got into was Game of Thrones. After the season finished I really wanted to check out the book series it's based on as I'm a fairly impatient guy, but gave up on both the ebook and the audiobook. I dumped the ebook due to fear of eye strain (I look at screens for most of the day and didn't want to add additional reading) and quit the audiobook pretty quickly because the person reading it is simply god awful. For my birthday I got the physical books which seems to have stuck, as I'm almost half way through the first tome. It certainly feels good in this modern day to read a good old fasion book. Whoda'thunk it huh?

Finally in video games, I've been on an old school Zelda kick in anticipation of the new game. I completed the original NES Zelda for the first time about a month ago and I'm a couple dungeons away from the ending of Ocarina of Time, which I've also never completed. I'm a terrible Zelda fan I guess, but I'm trying to correct that. On the more modern side of things I've been playing Gears of War 3, which is a fantastic co-op experience. I played the entire campaign with three other University / Karate chums and it was a blast. The game is a pretty evolutionary upgrade from Gears 2, but simply playing that game with four people is such a fun experience. We also completed an epic fifty waves of horde together and yesterday did all twelve waves of beast mode on insane. It's great stuff indeed.

Fuck you! And your eyebrows!

So I've been at home sick all day. That's been just great.

In other news, today (it's nearly 2am as I write this) is my birthday. I'm 23, whatever that means. Birthdays are an interesting thing once all those important early "mile stones" have passed and you have enough money to buy all the things you would normally await birthdays so eagerly for. Sure I will get gifts, but nothing I couldn't have paid for myself. A lot of people seem to get depressed over this fact, but honestly I find it kinda cool. Gifts are such a material thing. What birthdays should truly be about is appreciating that you've been on this world another year and celebrating that fact with the friends and family that care about you. Its also a great time to consider where you are in life and where it is heading. Getting older is certainly a good way to appreciate that everyones time is limited and none of it should be wasted. 

As mentioned in an earlier post, we adopted kittens! Polly and Alice are great, but Sybil (our older cat) isn't very fond of them yet. There have been a lot of standoffs where she runs into them and stands her ground, hissing and growling. The little buggers don't get put of though, as the moment she turns and walks away they immediately follow her. I'm sure they will be a happy family eventually or there will be a violent battle for cat supremacy. Lets hope for the former.

At work we launched a couple neat features that I worked on. The first is a simply awesome dedicated page to our new Christmas Bitters, featuring corny JavaScript snow, looping Christmas music and a "live" webcam feed. In combination with that page you should also read this hilarious blog post, in which Mike truly outdid himself. The second feature I contributed to is a page where folk can create their own whisky. I encourage you to click the "make me a case" button to see my favourite addition to the page.

I also got my own PC! It's an Intel i5 machine with a honking 12GB of RAM and a AM Radeon HD 6700 graphics card with dual 22 inch Samsung monitors. Unfortunately some genius thought it would be a good idea to RAID 0 two 60GB SSD's to give me 120GB of space and absolutely no redundancy. I already lost one SSD, so thats been great. Except for fearing the machine isn't going to work every time it boots though, its been wonderful. Its certainly the fastest Windows PC I've ever used. And look at how professional my monitor stands are! No expense was spared.

It also occurred to me that I forgot to plug the episode of Downloadable Content I was on that was posted over a month ago where we talked about the Supreme Court ruling, which is a nice follow up to this post. You can subscribe to the show in iTunes or download the episode directly over this way.

You'll have to forgive him. He's from Barcelona.

As predicted in my previous post a full work week resulted in my failure of the Tales of Symphonia Challenge. I managed just over 25 hours in eight days, getting to Gaoracchia Forest, before I had a full week of work in which I wasn't able to keep up my original pace. I then only had the weekend to play the game before two more days of work and the graduation deadline. Alas, no £40 for me, although it did achieve Dave's goal of getting me to play the damn game. I haven't gone back to it yet, but I certainly plan to at a more leisurely pace now that I've invested time into it. I would certainly recommend trying to get hold of a copy if you have an itch for a good JRPG.

Speaking of graduation, I'm now a graduate! The event was held at the Brighton Dome and while entirely too long, with chairs that absolutely sucked and much more clapping than I could really deal with, it was mostly enjoyable. Some of the students even made mockery of the whole formal procedure, which was taken in good humour and brought some life to the event. Overall it was mostly just a good excuse to see some folks from Uni and go out for drinks and food afterwards.

I wasn't particularly a fan of the getup they made you wear, especially when the robe people told me I had a large and awkward sized head. Some photos of said outfit can be seen over yonder.

So with graduation behind me I'm now officially a real boy and this week I started my first week of full time employment. To be honest I've not really accepted this yet, as working for the same company I've been at for two years makes it feel like nothing has changed, but at some point it will certainly hit me that this is it, and I'm not going back to education in October.

Speaking of work, this week we released a pretty major revision to the site with an entirely new navigation structure. The old nav was structured entirely around whisky, which made it almost impossible to find the many other drinks the company has expanded into. Hopefully this new nav will do a much better job.

In animal news, we're adopting two kittens! My older sister practically tripped over a stray cat giving birth to a litter of five outside her house, so we took them to the RSPCA Cattery my younger sister volunteers at, and rather inevitably we've ended up adopting two of them. My younger sister has already named them Alice and Polly (the latter following the Fawlty Towers theme our remaining cat Sybil started), and we should be taking them home in a couple weeks.

I also appeared on another episode of the Downloadable Content podcast which went up a couple weeks ago. In this one we discuss the advent of downloadable add-on content in console games and whether they are good for gamers or designed simply to drive up prices. As before, you can subscribe to the show in iTunes or download the episode directly over this way.