The only thing better than a cow is a human! Unless you need milk. Then you really need a cow.

Last week the internet at large exploded over the unveiling of Microsoft’s Xbox One. You can hear me rant about it on this week's Downloadable Content podcast. We discuss the PS4 announcement from a couple months back in the first half, so if you want to jump straight to the anger and rage, skip to around 0:52:50.

You can subscribe on iTunes over here, download it directly here or listen to it on YouTube embedded below.

Year of the Bow

Originally posted on the now defunct gamingwithlemons.com.

The Electronic Entertainment Expo, known colloquially as the Electronic Three (a fantastic name for both a ground breaking electronica trio and a modern band of adventurous musketeers), has come and gone for another year, much like my annual bout of indescribable bowel problems. The show was as large, loud, flashy and full of women with electronic devices attached to them as ever, however the announcements and grand reveals fell pretty flat on the gaming audience at large. The amount of time dedicated to a live performance from Usher at the Microsoft press conference alone should give an indication as to how much they cared about video games. And the worse part? It worked.



What video games Microsoft did show were a bunch of uninspired sequels. Call me crazy, but Gears of War 4, Halo 4, Forza 4 and Call of Duty 9 don’t have me pumping my arms and screaming “YEAH VIDEO GAMES!” from the rooftops. I have no doubt they will be quality titles, Halo 4 looks particularly gorgeous, but I can’t help but be underwhelmed by the general lack of creativity in what was shown.

Apart from a handful of standout titles this seemed to be the general feeling across the show and the consensus amongst gamers is that this generation of hardware has outstayed its welcome. Seven years into a console generation and no publisher wants to take a chance with a new idea. At the start of a console cycle rabid gamers will buy everything they can get as there are so few games, making it one of the best chances a developer has to build the foundation of a new franchise. Gears of War and Uncharted are perfect examples of this. This late into a generation however, it takes a massive marketing budget to sell the masses on a title they’ve never heard of when there is a library of thousands of games to choose from.

What developers hadn’t anticipated was how long Sony and Microsoft would drag this one out. While the hardware continues to sell and every console is making profit, they are using this time to recoup losses from the red ring of death fiasco, the development cost of the cell processor and the hit they took losing money on every machine sold during the early years of the generation. With all the big trilogies wrapped up, the unnatural extension of this cycle is what has given us such abominations as a Gears of War prequel no one asked for.

Sony did better than Microsoft at actually showing some new and interesting games. The Last of Us, from the creators of Uncharted, looks incredible. My biggest issue with Uncharted was that I loved the characters and the world, but the part where Nate kills a thousand dudes like it is as difficult as eating breakfast always made me reevaluate the character as the mass murderer he was. Whilst in Uncharted a thousand foes is no problem, in The Last of Us coming across two dudes makes you reconsider your options. You could fight them and waste all your equipment or take a fatal injury, or you could play it stealthy and sneak past or wait them out. If you decide to be the coward however, it’s possible the men will come across the items you would have discovered, leaving you with less ammunition or gear going forward.

Another title that really excites me is Beyond: Two Souls. From the creator of Fahrenheit and Heavy Rain, Beyond looks to be another exciting interactive story (and based on their previous work, some of the best uses of quick time events in gaming) following a woman and her ghostly companion.

I’m also curious to see more of Watch Dogs from Ubisoft, which has the awesome concept of a character who can “hack” his surroundings to learn about the people around him, change traffic lights or generally make things explode. Star Wars 1313 was also the rave of the show, putting you in control of a bounty hunter experiencing the more gritty side of the Star Wars universe, harking back to the original trilogy.

Sony’s presentation wasn’t all fireworks and victory laps mind you. They had their own sequel-heavy presentations (another God of War game guys?), WTF moments like Wonderbooks and... oh yeah... they completely forgot to announce any games for the recently released PlayStation Vita.

Probably the most disappointing press conference of the show however, was Nintendo. As the only hardware maker showing a new machine, it was really their show to lose, and boy did they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. They announced Pikmin 3 (which I’m sure is great, but I’ve never been a Pikmin guy), New Super Mario Bros. U (that “new” tag is wearing a little thin isn’t it?) and a mini-game / tech demo package called Nintendoland (the saddest place on earth), none of which really sold me on why I need this new system or why a resistive touch screen in my controller is going to be awesome. The fact the console can only support two touch screen controllers is also incredibly disappointing.


ZombieU from Ubisoft demonstrated the most interesting use of the second screen, showing the concept of your character still being vulnerable on the TV while you search a dead body for gear on the controller’s screen, but none of it really sold me on the Wii U. They announced a fairly sizeable list of third party games, but they were all titles like Batman: Arkham City which will be a year old by the time the console is released, and Nintendo’s third party support is going to crash and burn (if it ever exists) the moment the PlayStation 4 and Xbox 720 leapfrog the Wii U in graphical fidelity.

This was supposed to be Nintendo’s coming out party and we were supposed to have left E3 wanting a Wii U. Sure it will have Zelda and a real Mario game eventually, but is any of that a reason to buy this machine? By using the name “Wii” in the name they seem to think they will still be able to grab the mass market they had with the Wii, but I think that audience is well and truly lost to them (those people played Wii Bowling and nothing else) and all the branding is doing is confusing the market by giving the impression that the Wii U is an accessory for the Wii instead of a new machine entirely.

On the plus side, the year of the bow has me pretty stoked.

This isn't a democracy anymore.

Originally posted on the now defunct gamingwithlemons.com.

The Walking Dead is a show of questionable quality, much like a footlong from Subway. It had a great opening night and the conclusion to the last season was pretty epic, but large portions of it dragged. It’s meant to be a show about how people would actually survive on a day-to-day basis rather than the zombie apocalypse itself, however a mixture of bad acting and insufferable (the kid and his mum) and/or pointless (T Dog, the epitome of stereotypes) characters really let the whole thing down. Also, they spent an entire season on that godforsaken farm.

Fortunately this isn’t The Walking Dead: The Show: The Video Game. While the show is a reimagining of the original comic book, the game is set in the same world as the comics but isn’t directly connected. It has different characters and locations, and while there are cameos and nods for die-hard fans, all you really need to know is The Walking Dead is about charming corpses that want to eat you.

Delivered as episodes released once a month, the first around two hours long, The Walking Dead is a classic adventure game at heart. Beautifully rendered in a comic book art style, you explore different environments by navigating your character with the left stick while examining doodads and shiny objects around you with the right (you never know when you might need a paper clip!). In conversations with other survivors you choose how you respond to them and what questions you ask through multiple choice options, and this affects how much each person trusts you going forward. Your character has a mysterious past and it’s up to you how much you let on or lie, however you will need to keep your story consistent if you don’t want to raise suspicions.

The slow exploration is mixed up by action sequences involving the previously mentioned killer corpses. Here you need to frantically look for a way to defend yourself by finding a weapon in the environment around you and retaliate against your enemies using quick time events. They work in The Walking Dead because you have a true sense of feedback with the prompts on screen. Rather than simply tapping the button as it appears you first have to aim your cursor over what you're interacting with, adding more precision and urgency to the moment. Another nice subtlety is when you bring your blunted weapon down on your foe’s noggin it only takes a couple blows to finish them, but the game allows you to keep smashing their face to gruesome effect.

The sense of urgency and panic in the game isn’t reserved for action sequences either. Some conversation choices have time limits on them, forcing you to make rash decisions in the heat of the moment rather than mulling over the consequences of who you side with or what you do. What I found most interesting about the game is how your decisions are not simply good or evil. There were no wrong decisions, just different ones, which I had to live with. One choice in particular I regretted immediately as I didn’t realise how it would play out, but “correcting” my decision wouldn’t make everything peachy either.

The game is by no means perfect. The voice acting is wonky in places, scenes seem disjointed as there are hard cuts between events with no transition sequences and some parts of the plot are overly convenient (the random building they took shelter in just happened to have major significance for the main character?). Overall though, The Walking Dead is proof that adventure games still have their place and I eagerly look forward to the next episode.

 
At the end of the game you are given a scorecard which shows you how your decisions on the major choices compared to the internet at large. Click here to see mine, but beware of the spoilers inside!

Make life take the lemons back

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since I graduated from University. This time a year ago I had just completed the epic tome on my final year project and was preparing to revise for my final exams; a grueling and terrifying experience. The time since then has been a very transitional period of my life as I get my head around being out of education for the first time ever (let’s not count those early years where I was banging lego bricks together) and used to the idea of having an adult life.

It’s very easy with a full time job that involves hours of commuting every day to get very complacent and lazy. The simplest way out is always to get home after work and want to do nothing but veg out in front of the television and honestly, I’ve done a lot of that. I ended up as a web developer not because anyone told me there was money in it, but because when I was 15 I accidently created a video game website. It was pretty terrible and the most horrific shade of green, but the next day I went back to it and was blown away to discover that people had started using it. I didn’t realise it at the time, but that website was an incredibly important turning point in my life and I truly don’t know where I would have ended up without it.

Three years ago that website died as I was unable to maintain it during my placement year and the small group of users moving on. Since then I’ve always had the desire to fill that “personal project” shaped hole in my life with something new, but inevitably ended up in front of the television instead. It’s just so much easier.

FWXD.net

And then Mike showed up.

My former co-worker, who has this insane plan to emigrate to Australia, despite the fact I’m reliably informed they eat British people with afternoon tea, suggested one day that we make a video game blog. Mike worked at the company as a professional writer talking about how whisky tastes of “synthetic banana”, and had just gotten into gaming. I guess he just really wanted to write about it and had no outlet to do so. I think I probably agreed with him at the time, because it's easier to agree with people and normally they forget the next day. Except he didn't forget, so I guess the joke's on me now.

Mike’s enthusiasm for the idea is what got me out of my rut. We’ve been working on the site for several months (with the original idea dating back to January) and have put together a crack team to write for it so there will be regular updates. It's been truly awesome to work on and I look forward to seeing it grow.

Welcome to the aviator club

It turns out that naming a website is really hard though. It needs to be memorable and unique while containing as many Google friendly keywords as possible. Unfortunately Video Game Blog dot com was already taken and Mike thought appending the word “Nazi” to it would be considered bad form. We went through a lot of names before arriving on the one we used. Having lived with the name we chose for so long I couldn’t imagine another choice, but there was a long period of time where the best thing we had was “video game creed”. Feel free to take that one when I let the domain expire...

Nazi Clown Fish really wanted to be a website mascot...

I present to you... Gaming With Lemons... dot com.

TL;DR

 
We have a new website. It’s about lemons and video games. And video game lemons.

You know, Chevy Chase woke up one day and just wasn't funny anymore

Originally posted on the now defunct gamingwithlemons.com.

Despite being rather late to the party, I’ve really enjoyed the Assassin's Creed series to date, playing them all back-to-back at the beginning of last year. Sure, the first one was as repetitive as peeling potatoes and more of a tech demo than a game, but the story was unique and surprising and the core gameplay of exploring a city from the streets and rooftops and assassinating enemies of the Creed was incredibly satisfying. So, having finally caught up with everyone else, it was with great disappointment that I discovered that the latest entry in the series wasn't up to snuff.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations clearly suffers from the law of diminishing returns; despite feeling like games that have taken several years to develop, Ubisoft have been shitting these out every year since 2008 like they have erratic diarrhoea and it's finally starting to show on their pants.  

Without doubt, the core experience is still there and I love it, but everything new feels as ill-thought-out as claiming to have fallen into a life boat. For those of you who hated playing Desmond, you will be glad to hear there’ll be no more of that tomfoolery, but unfortunately that's been replaced with first person flashback sequences which have you completing deficient block puzzles that wouldn't entertain a three year old.

Even returning features feel completely soulless; in Brotherhood, burning the Borgia towers made sense for the story, but in Revelations these locations exist without any context. In the same vein you can buy and restore every bank, shop and cake establishment in the city - and I will because I have OCD - but there is absolutely no explanation as to why you are doing it and there is almost no real benefit for doing so. 

To introduce unnecessary complexity, assassin dens can come under attack and be re-taken. To defend them you must participate in another oddball addition: a tower defence mini-game which isn't terrible but doesn't hit it out of the park either. Just about every one of the side tasks to the main quest seems out of place in Revelations, like they were simply included because they had debuted in a previous title.

Perhaps the worst offence of Revelations is in the title, as the game provides no real revelations whatsoever. We get some nice inception action as Desmond views the end of Ezio's adventure – who, in turn, views the end of Altair's tale - but none of this moves the overarching story forward. 

The fact Desmond is unconscious for the entire game should give you the hint that this is the title in the series to skip. Revelations is still a fun game, but it is in no way the must-play experience of its predecessors. Let's just hope Ubisoft realises that they need a change of trousers before they run the series into the ground.

2011 in Gaming: Gave Up

We conclude this series of posts on games I played in 2011 (part one can be found here and part two over here respectively) with the ones I truly didn't enjoy. These are not only the games I didn't complete, but the ones I officially quit playing because of the reasons listed below.

2011 in Gaming: Gave Up:

Kirby's Epic Yarn (Wii) - I love Kirby and Epic Yarn is one of the darn cutest titles on the Wii. The  way you can manipulate the yarn world is just ingenious and the things Kirby can transform himself into are adorable and awesome, but this game sucks. It's depressingly easy, there is almost no way to loose and local co-op is down right boring. 

L.A. Noire (PS3) - L.A. Noire is critically acclaimed as a classic adventure game disguised as an open world GTA detective game, with amazing facial animation and voice acting. I was really into this game initially, but I soon realised how simple the "choices" were and got bored by how repetitive the game quickly became a few cases in. A brilliant idea, poorly executed. I ranted about this quite a bit on the latest episode of Downloadable Content.

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (PS3) - The Uncharted series is extremely popular, and I was hoping to jump into it after finally getting a PS3 similar to how I marathoned Assassin's Creed, however the excellent voice acting and incredible graphics weren't enough to convince me to finish this incredibly poor third person shooter. The enemies soak bullets, the controls are awful and the the fights unnecessarily long. I'm told the sequel is excellent so I'm going to give the series another go.

Kinect Sports / Kinect Adventures (360) - I don't own a Kinect, but I did play with one. Kinect is a gimmick, it doesn't work very well, and these mini games aren't very enjoyable.

Crysis 2 (360) - I'm told this is a high-quality shooter, but I just never got into it. Just one of those "not for me" titles I suspect. 

2011 in Gaming: Backlog / Uncompleted

Continuing from yesterdays post, here are the games that didn't make it. The journeys I didn't complete, both new and old. A lot of loooong games on this list. Hopefully I can knock more than a few of these out in the next year.

2011 in Gaming: Backlog / Uncompleted

Dragon Age: Origins (360) - A 2009 game on the backlog that I briefly tried to get into, Dragon Age is an old school dark fantasy RPG with branching dialogue trees and plot points  that change dramatically based on your choice of character and party members. I just need a lot more free time. 

Bastion (360) - Wonderfully whimsical, Bastion is a top down role-playing action game that leads you through a stunningly beautiful world. The soundtrack is one of the best this year and the narrator reacting to your every action provides an incredible amount of depth to this experience.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution (360) - One of those games I got distracted from near the end of the year and need to go back to, Deus Ex is an action packed first-person shooter set in a  cyberpunk world that is absolutely worth seeing.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations (PS3) - Possibly the weakest and most unnecessary edition in the Assassin's Creed 2 trilogy, Revalations is showing signs of deterioration in the series' annualisation. The series formula is still a blast, but it's time to move forward.

Tales of Symphonia (GC) - The game I famously lost £40 on because I bet I could beat it before my graduation. I had over a year to do the bet, but classically left it to the last eight days. In the 25+ hours that I played I found a brilliant classic RPG with an addictive combat system and a massive world to explore. The voice acting is up and down, but the story is worth experiencing and I intend to complete this challenge. Eventually...

Chrono Trigger (VC) - 2011 was the year of trying and failing to complete classic RPGs on my backlog. Chrono Trigger is worth including in this list because I made more progress than ever before, reaching the Forest Maze in 65,000,000 BC. It shouldn't need stating, but Chrono Trigger is an incredible JRPG, and one I might still one day complete.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (PS3) - The seemingly endless battle against dragons and giants is just so big I'm frightened to become committed. I admit to not playing this epic game as much as I should. It's technically flawed in many ways (including a deteriorating frame rate the larger my save file gets), but all should be forgiven because the title screen music is just so bad ass.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (VC) - Another Zelda game I am ashamed to admit to never playing to completion. This also receives acknowledgement on the list because I got further than ever before, reaching the Shadow Temple. Ocarina of Time has suffered greatly due to its age, but it's still an amazing game and worth playing to this day. Just appreciate its age okay?

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii) - The newest edition to the franchise, Skyward Sword continues to add surprises to the classic formula, is beautiful to look at despite being SD and contains the best use of the Wiimote period. This is the Wii's swan song.

2011 in Gaming: Completed

I meant to do this last year, but never did. Inspired by Reeve (and originally namatamiku), this is a roundup of all the games I played this year. It will be posted in three parts, providing my thoughts on the games I completed, didn't completed (but intend too) and gave up on. As this is my list I can be as arbitrary as I like, so for qualification I either played it for the first time this year, or completed (or made significant progress in) for the first time. For example, I played the original Zelda years ago, but only completed it in 2011.

This list required some effort, and I probably missed out stuff, so next year I plan to write it as I go. I doubt I will actually do that, but it's nice to be motivational and forward thinking.

For more end of year video game stuff, I was on the last 2011 episode of Downloadable Content talking about our best and worst games of the year. You can subscribe to the show in iTunes or download part 1 here and part 2 over this way.

2011 in Gaming: Completed

From Dust (360) - The spiritual successor of Populous reminds you why it's so much fun to play God, but does little to live up to past greatness. The wonderful way you manipulate the world and it's elements is ruined by a short and simple game with some terrible AI.

Guardian Heroes (360) - A remake of the Sega Saturn classic, Guardian Heroes is a frantic and crazy beat'em up  that works wonderfully in co-op over Xbox live. It's ultra short, but packs tones of replayability thanks to its branching story.

Batman: Arkham City (360) - While Arkham Asylum was a revolutionary game with an incredible combat system and fluid narrative, Arkham City is only evolutionary. The "open world" adds little to the experience and the story is nonsense, but the awesome core gameplay from the original is back and mildly improved. On the other hand; Batman.

Sonic Generations (360) - Incredibly short and full of padding, but still the best Sonic game (both 2D and 3D) that we've had in years. The physics and speed are just right, and the level design is excellent. Also, the 30 second time trial mode against friends is a blast.

Gears of War 3 (360) - Campaign-wise, an evolutionary sequel that should be given mad props for actually having the guts to provide a definitive conclusion. The package is also full to the brim with extra content, including a radically improved multiplayer and co-op experience.

Assassin's Creed / AC II / AC: Brotherhood (PS3) - Last Christmas I received a PS3 and played these three back to back to back. It was one hell of a video game binge. Each game radically improves over the last, continuing an epic (if totally nuts) narrative spanning generations. Scaling rooftops and assassinating never gets old and there are many addictive tasks that will feed the completionist. I strongly advise reading the Wikipedia article or watching some YouTube videos to get the gist of the first game however, as the gameplay becomes incredibly reparative and dull after a couple hours.

Portal 2 (PS3) - Without a doubt one of the best games of the year and a must play. From the  excellent character development, voice acting and laugh out loud humour, to the perfectly play tested puzzles, the beautiful world and the incredible closing moment, this game has little to no faults. The co-op is also incredible fun.

The Legend of Zelda (VC) - I completed this for the first time this year in anticipation of the new game, and it's still as wonderful as the day it came out. It may seem simplistic in comparison to where future 2D Zelda's would go, but the concept of being dropped into a world with no instruction and setting out on an adventure has never been better executed to this day.